Skip to main content

10 More Rules of Engagement in Conflict



Hopefully you've had an opportunity to read the first ten Rules of Engagement in conflict on this blog.  They are explained in depth.  But here are ten more to round out the list.  They are as valuable as the others and are sure to squelch any disagreement that could escalate into a full-on war of words.  Try these:

11.  Avoid sarcasm.  It is condescending and sure to annoy the other party.  Just be straight in your answers and leave the judgment out of it.

12.   Look the person in the eye.  Show interest, not disdain.  Eye contact means you're paying attention to what they're saying and actually considering their perspective.

13.  Watch your body language.  No big threatening gestures or pounding on tables.  No slamming doors or throwing items.

14.  No interrupting the other person while they’re speaking.  We get so caught up in trying to assert our point, that we don't realize we're denying the other person the opportunity to express theirs.  In that regard, we're not looking to resolve anything, we're looking to force our opinion as if it is the only one that matters.

15.  Stick with the issue at hand.  Don’t go back and rehash old arguments.  It is so easy to go round and round trying to push an issue, to never let things go, to never yield.  Some people can keep disagreements alive for years.  Learn to be a peacemaker.

16.  Always look for solutions.  Don’t just argue without an end in mind.  Be a problem solver.

17.  Choose your battles carefully.  Everything doesn’t require an argument.  Learn to be agreeable and compromising.  You can’t always have everything your way.

18.  Don’t bring other people into your argument—figuratively or physically.  And don't let anyone bring you into theirs.  Fight your own battles and let other people fight theirs.

19.  Listen for ways to avoid making the same mistakes that lead to an argument.  Commit to making a change in your own behavior before correcting someone else's.  Listen to what other people tell you about certain habits you have that cause issues for those around you.

20.  Ask questions rather than make accusations.  For ex. “Why did you say that?” and "What do you mean by that?"



And here are three bonus tips:
1.  Be willing to apologize.
2.  Don’t hold grudges when the disagreement is over
3.  Adhere to these rules.  They don’t work unless they’re followed by BOTH parties.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Talk About Race: A Panel Discussion

When Your "Jokes" Get You in Trouble

         Everybody loves a good laugh. We feel better when we hear something funny and our anxiety or pain is eased because humor has come as a balm in a tense day. Laughter is beneficial to our emotional and physical health. Well-placed humor works easily in a lot of ways when we are telling stories, but can also come at a huge cost. If we joke about a topic that is sensitive to many, and we do it in a public forum where our intent can be misconstrued by the audience, then we can create a firestorm of frustration for ourselves and them.      A recent example of a humor faux pas involves rapper T.I. and his comments regarding how he checks for his daughter's virginity.  He claimed in a podcast that when his 18-year-old daughter goes to the gynecologist, he tells the doctor to check her hymen to make sure it's still intact--an indication that she is still a virgin. Though this is not an accurate test of virginity, T.I. says he told the doctor: "...just check the hymen

What Humility Sounds Like in Leadership

     To be in a position of leadership is usually associated with being in a position of power.  And though the power is real and necessary, it must be balanced with the willingness to respond humbly in situations that warrant it.  It's time we eliminate the misunderstanding that humility is weakness.  In fact, to take a position of humility takes a lot of restraint and sacrifice.  This is difficult for many to do.  Therefore, the weakness comes in yielding to arrogance and dominance because it is easy to do.  The strength is found in backing away from selfish desires and allowing someone else to be successful.      Not sure what humility looks like in leadership?  Consider these examples: The boss who gives credit to his employee for an idea that allowed the entire department to shine. The manager who was clearly wrong when making a decision on a project and admits that mistake when the project fails. The supervisor who yields her opinion to someone else on the team so tha