Skip to main content

Taming the Tongue

     You don't have to be a bible reader or believer to know that the following statement is true in the book of James:  "...but no man can tame the tongue.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."  Seem a little strong?  Not really.  It's one of those hard truths we don't like to face.  As much as we like to think we can control what we say, many of us fail at it.  We don't often think before we speak, and that lack of forethought has ruined many a relationship.  How many apology tours have you seen in the media these past few years with notable people having to smooth over some ill-spoken statement based on their biases?  How many celebrities have had to make nice with GLAAD because of some homophobic slur or with some minority organization because of racially charged words toward a particular ethnic group?  It happens regularly because the tongue seems to take on a life of its own.  And with the ubiquitous use of cameras and social media these days, one can hardly get a word out without someone taping it and posting it along with their own commentary to spark a flame.  Oh, and by the way, James references that as well:  "Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."  One word, one comment, one off-the-cuff remark, and suddenly there is a firestorm of calls for your head on a platter.
     Adlai Stevenson once said, "Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them."  We've established that words have power.  When you consider that words have declared war and also peace, an announcement of a marriage and also divorce, birth and also death, hope and also despair, a hiring and a firing, and all other manner of good and evil, we know that they bring us both great joy and great pain.  So knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to say it are essential skills in being a competent communicator.  When we lack those skills, we find ourselves promptly embarrassed by a wild and unwieldy tongue.
     Therefore, keep these three things in mind to save yourself from having to choke up an (insincere) apology:
  1. Speak from intellect and not emotion.  Most often, people get into trouble because they say something out of how they are feeling at the time.  If they are angry, they blurt out a response or reaction without much thought.  However, if they stopped for half a minute and thought through what they were about to say, they'd probably refrain from speaking out of the emotion they were feeling at the moment.
  2. Plan your response ahead of time if you know the topic is sensitive.  Words are hard enough to choose when you have time to think.  To speak on something that is volatile without preparation is like jumping out of a plane for the first time with no instructor.  You are in free fall without a clue as to how to get yourself out of that mess.
  3. Practice self-control.  There will be times when you are tested.  Knowing how to react under pressure comes only by going through challenges mentally a few million times so that you are not caught unawares.  Using verbiage that can neutralize situations or soften harsh comments are the mark of a skilled speaker.  Become one today.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Talk About Race: A Panel Discussion

When Your "Jokes" Get You in Trouble

         Everybody loves a good laugh. We feel better when we hear something funny and our anxiety or pain is eased because humor has come as a balm in a tense day. Laughter is beneficial to our emotional and physical health. Well-placed humor works easily in a lot of ways when we are telling stories, but can also come at a huge cost. If we joke about a topic that is sensitive to many, and we do it in a public forum where our intent can be misconstrued by the audience, then we can create a firestorm of frustration for ourselves and them.      A recent example of a humor faux pas involves rapper T.I. and his comments regarding how he checks for his daughter's virginity.  He claimed in a podcast that when his 18-year-old daughter goes to the gynecologist, he tells the doctor to check her hymen to make sure it's still intact--an indication that she is still a virgin. Though this is not an accurate test of virginity, T.I. says he told the doctor: "...just check the hymen

What Humility Sounds Like in Leadership

     To be in a position of leadership is usually associated with being in a position of power.  And though the power is real and necessary, it must be balanced with the willingness to respond humbly in situations that warrant it.  It's time we eliminate the misunderstanding that humility is weakness.  In fact, to take a position of humility takes a lot of restraint and sacrifice.  This is difficult for many to do.  Therefore, the weakness comes in yielding to arrogance and dominance because it is easy to do.  The strength is found in backing away from selfish desires and allowing someone else to be successful.      Not sure what humility looks like in leadership?  Consider these examples: The boss who gives credit to his employee for an idea that allowed the entire department to shine. The manager who was clearly wrong when making a decision on a project and admits that mistake when the project fails. The supervisor who yields her opinion to someone else on the team so tha